New York Minute
These three words have two origins, to my knowledge:
they are an allusion to a song by (a band whose name I can't seem to remember right now).
they are an idiom used to mean time moves quickly.
To me...
they are a reminder that my children are growing up too fast
they are the amount of time I should spend worrying
they are the amount of time I have left in the school year
they are a reminder to enjoy moments
they are a reminder to cherish those around me
they are a reminder of the fleeting time we have on this planet.
But today...
they are the three words that describe how quickly I went from "confident and bold" Barbara to "weak and introverted" (I used that word incorrectly) Barbara. I woke up this morning excited about prospects for my future, as a teacher, as a friend, as a wife, and as a mother. By 10:30, I felt small. By 2, I felt tiny. And now, I feel insignificant. I feel as though I could disappear and no one would care.
My children have chosen my husband and their grandmothers over me.
My husband has chosen his obligations over me.
My friends have chosen others over me.
And I will never be who I want me to be.
This is the struggle I deal with regularly. When will I have the confidence to shake these feelings off and just be me? Right now, I feel like never. And I think I did this to myself... I spoke about my father this morning. I explained my self-realization came directly from his opinion of me. When he died, I had no reference point. No center to my universe. No one to judge me. I am still struggling with a definition of me. While all of this doubt runs through my mind, I also hear one of the greatest compliments of my life, spoken to me by a truly honest and thoughtful person: "you don't give yourself enough credit Barbara. You have done an amazing job and made his job too easy.
With this, I will be done and relish my "new york minute" of ice cream.
they are an allusion to a song by (a band whose name I can't seem to remember right now).
they are an idiom used to mean time moves quickly.
To me...
they are a reminder that my children are growing up too fast
they are the amount of time I should spend worrying
they are the amount of time I have left in the school year
they are a reminder to enjoy moments
they are a reminder to cherish those around me
they are a reminder of the fleeting time we have on this planet.
But today...
they are the three words that describe how quickly I went from "confident and bold" Barbara to "weak and introverted" (I used that word incorrectly) Barbara. I woke up this morning excited about prospects for my future, as a teacher, as a friend, as a wife, and as a mother. By 10:30, I felt small. By 2, I felt tiny. And now, I feel insignificant. I feel as though I could disappear and no one would care.
My children have chosen my husband and their grandmothers over me.
My husband has chosen his obligations over me.
My friends have chosen others over me.
And I will never be who I want me to be.
This is the struggle I deal with regularly. When will I have the confidence to shake these feelings off and just be me? Right now, I feel like never. And I think I did this to myself... I spoke about my father this morning. I explained my self-realization came directly from his opinion of me. When he died, I had no reference point. No center to my universe. No one to judge me. I am still struggling with a definition of me. While all of this doubt runs through my mind, I also hear one of the greatest compliments of my life, spoken to me by a truly honest and thoughtful person: "you don't give yourself enough credit Barbara. You have done an amazing job and made his job too easy.
With this, I will be done and relish my "new york minute" of ice cream.
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