Purpose
A little over a week ago I attended a professional development session that discussed writing as a way to de-stress/save our minds (teacher leaders, specifically). This struck a note with me, as I have always found writing to be a bit of a release and then also because I have been especially stressed out recently.
What is ironic is I spent a solid year learning about writing as a method to learn, reflect, and grow. Yet, I don't do it often enough. In fact, on the day of that session, I said to myself, "Self, you need to write more... everyday. What she just showed us only takes six minutes. You can give yourself 6 minutes a day."
But I haven't. Then yesterday, one of my favorite people and my mentor (though I'm not entirely sure if she knows she's my mentor) posted on her blog. And it reminded me that I NEED to write - not want - not should - but NEED to. It makes me better.
So here I am.
I will begin with the three questions:
What did I do well? I made it through my workout and didn't give up. For whatever reason today, I was really nauseated and weak-minded during it, and I wanted to give up. Or puke. Or cry. Or all three. But I didn't!!!! That's what I did well today. I also thought about "what's best for kids," rather than the petty meanness that I wanted to think about. I also thanked my husband repetitively for cooking dinner, rather than focusing on the fact that he didn't do a single load of laundry all day. This is actually really hard for me because it is frustrating. However, I realize that this has been his first day off that he's had all to himself in over a year. He needed the time to do what he wanted to do, not what needed to be done. I also focused on positive eating. I didn't gouge myself on the bag of chips I wanted to eat - I drank my coffee with protein powder. I also pushed through some tough moments and when what I wanted to do was say "f you." At the same time, I also gave my sophomores something to make them better, rather than saying "meh" and showing a movie. So really - in summation (or conclusion, if you prefer), what I did well today was overcome the negatives in my personality and made myself a better teacher, person, wife, and servant leader. That's what I did well - I became a better me.
What could I do better?
I could plan ahead. And grade ahead. Really just not procrastinate. But more importantly, I need to quit being petty. That's been hard lately. I want to be petty. I want to let go and not care anymore (and truthfully, I'm really having some success with that). But that's not a better me. It's just not. A better me would be to continue to be me - the giving, caring me, regardless of how others have treated me. I mean, does it really matter that they treat me like I'm non-existent half the time? No. I mean it hurts, but does it really matter? So, that's my plan.
What do I want to do?
This is the kicker... I want to make a positive impact on those around me. I want to make a difference, both short term and long term. For a long time, I was focused on outward celebration of my hard work and sacrifice. In the last two weeks, I have realized this is not what I need. I need to feel like I'm making a difference. That's what happened during my presentation and afterwords. I saw that I was helping other teachers make something better in their classroom and by default, helping other children, and by default the world. I realize this sounds trite and cliche, but I really feel that way. I talk to my students and children all the time about purpose - purpose when writing, purpose when reading, purpose when making decisions. But I have never really thought about my purpose. And really, I should. Because if I go back to the first two questions, a better me was making a difference and a petty me isn't. Really, it all comes down to purpose.
My purpose: make a difference in everyone I see everyday - be it simple or profound - regardless of the outside celebration. This blog will be my celebration.
Here's my question to you: what's your purpose?
What is ironic is I spent a solid year learning about writing as a method to learn, reflect, and grow. Yet, I don't do it often enough. In fact, on the day of that session, I said to myself, "Self, you need to write more... everyday. What she just showed us only takes six minutes. You can give yourself 6 minutes a day."
But I haven't. Then yesterday, one of my favorite people and my mentor (though I'm not entirely sure if she knows she's my mentor) posted on her blog. And it reminded me that I NEED to write - not want - not should - but NEED to. It makes me better.
So here I am.
I will begin with the three questions:
What did I do well? I made it through my workout and didn't give up. For whatever reason today, I was really nauseated and weak-minded during it, and I wanted to give up. Or puke. Or cry. Or all three. But I didn't!!!! That's what I did well today. I also thought about "what's best for kids," rather than the petty meanness that I wanted to think about. I also thanked my husband repetitively for cooking dinner, rather than focusing on the fact that he didn't do a single load of laundry all day. This is actually really hard for me because it is frustrating. However, I realize that this has been his first day off that he's had all to himself in over a year. He needed the time to do what he wanted to do, not what needed to be done. I also focused on positive eating. I didn't gouge myself on the bag of chips I wanted to eat - I drank my coffee with protein powder. I also pushed through some tough moments and when what I wanted to do was say "f you." At the same time, I also gave my sophomores something to make them better, rather than saying "meh" and showing a movie. So really - in summation (or conclusion, if you prefer), what I did well today was overcome the negatives in my personality and made myself a better teacher, person, wife, and servant leader. That's what I did well - I became a better me.
What could I do better?
I could plan ahead. And grade ahead. Really just not procrastinate. But more importantly, I need to quit being petty. That's been hard lately. I want to be petty. I want to let go and not care anymore (and truthfully, I'm really having some success with that). But that's not a better me. It's just not. A better me would be to continue to be me - the giving, caring me, regardless of how others have treated me. I mean, does it really matter that they treat me like I'm non-existent half the time? No. I mean it hurts, but does it really matter? So, that's my plan.
What do I want to do?
This is the kicker... I want to make a positive impact on those around me. I want to make a difference, both short term and long term. For a long time, I was focused on outward celebration of my hard work and sacrifice. In the last two weeks, I have realized this is not what I need. I need to feel like I'm making a difference. That's what happened during my presentation and afterwords. I saw that I was helping other teachers make something better in their classroom and by default, helping other children, and by default the world. I realize this sounds trite and cliche, but I really feel that way. I talk to my students and children all the time about purpose - purpose when writing, purpose when reading, purpose when making decisions. But I have never really thought about my purpose. And really, I should. Because if I go back to the first two questions, a better me was making a difference and a petty me isn't. Really, it all comes down to purpose.
My purpose: make a difference in everyone I see everyday - be it simple or profound - regardless of the outside celebration. This blog will be my celebration.
Here's my question to you: what's your purpose?
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