Failure vs. Growth
Failure is an interesting term. I mean, we all have our own definition for sure. I know this because years ago (thank you TimeHop), I posed the question on Facebook: what is failure? Every single person who responded had their own definition. My definition has changed throughout the years.
First, it was not beating other people in a competition.
Then, I thought it was not meeting personal goals by a certain date.
Then, I thought failure was the refusal to get back on that proverbial horse.
Now, though, I think it's the lack of growth.
I've settled on that definition because I need it, desperately, to be true. Especially right now (because most of the other definitions would cause me to be a failure at SO many things).
Working out: big goal here. I wanted to work out for 100 days straight. I have attempted this twice and, obviously not made it to 100 either time. But, I got back on the horse and tried again. And each time, it's been easier. My third attempt began yesterday. Also, I am so much healthier and more physically fit just trying to reach this goal than I have ever been in my life.
Blogging (this one makes me the saddest I think). I was steadily blogging once a week for a good amount of time. Then I just forgot - who does that? Who just forgets that they have a goal? Me apparently. Anywho, I have climbed back on the horse today and will blog three times this week to recover from my two weeks of no blogging. It makes me sad because I really love to write, but I don't make time for it on a regular basis, which is dumb of me. I need to be as important as the other crap in my life.
Test scores. It's that time of year - we get our test scores back from the state. Our teachers and our students are measured by a five hour standardized test. Keep in mind the state keeps changing the goal line, so naturally our "data" suffers. All year we talk about growth with kids and, yet, every year I have to meet and discuss the lower percentage. This year it's especially frustrating because of the population I have taught. EVERY. SINGLE. KID has grown as a writer (I have the portfolio to prove it). EVERY. SINGLE KID has grown as a student. There are several who have remained out of ISS for the first time since junior high. A couple finished a book. They read a WHOLE book for the first time since elementary school. One is contemplating taking Dual Credit English even though it will be a struggle. Two or three passed their first ELA test in YEARS. One enjoys writing and reading again. About half admit that this is the only class they don't skip (wow, really?) because it's not boring. There has been SO much growth but those qualitative results don't matter. Because our number suck. And I know they suck, and I'm trying to fix the numbers.
*sigh*
So today, I focus on growth. This week I focus on growth. Because in every aspect - we have gotten better (me and my kids). I have to revel in that and fight the good fight. Or I will become the failure I work hard to avoid. I want to be a better person, teacher, wife, mother. It's a struggle everyday, but it's my goal. To be better.
First, it was not beating other people in a competition.
Then, I thought it was not meeting personal goals by a certain date.
Then, I thought failure was the refusal to get back on that proverbial horse.
Now, though, I think it's the lack of growth.
I've settled on that definition because I need it, desperately, to be true. Especially right now (because most of the other definitions would cause me to be a failure at SO many things).
Working out: big goal here. I wanted to work out for 100 days straight. I have attempted this twice and, obviously not made it to 100 either time. But, I got back on the horse and tried again. And each time, it's been easier. My third attempt began yesterday. Also, I am so much healthier and more physically fit just trying to reach this goal than I have ever been in my life.
Blogging (this one makes me the saddest I think). I was steadily blogging once a week for a good amount of time. Then I just forgot - who does that? Who just forgets that they have a goal? Me apparently. Anywho, I have climbed back on the horse today and will blog three times this week to recover from my two weeks of no blogging. It makes me sad because I really love to write, but I don't make time for it on a regular basis, which is dumb of me. I need to be as important as the other crap in my life.
Test scores. It's that time of year - we get our test scores back from the state. Our teachers and our students are measured by a five hour standardized test. Keep in mind the state keeps changing the goal line, so naturally our "data" suffers. All year we talk about growth with kids and, yet, every year I have to meet and discuss the lower percentage. This year it's especially frustrating because of the population I have taught. EVERY. SINGLE. KID has grown as a writer (I have the portfolio to prove it). EVERY. SINGLE KID has grown as a student. There are several who have remained out of ISS for the first time since junior high. A couple finished a book. They read a WHOLE book for the first time since elementary school. One is contemplating taking Dual Credit English even though it will be a struggle. Two or three passed their first ELA test in YEARS. One enjoys writing and reading again. About half admit that this is the only class they don't skip (wow, really?) because it's not boring. There has been SO much growth but those qualitative results don't matter. Because our number suck. And I know they suck, and I'm trying to fix the numbers.
*sigh*
So today, I focus on growth. This week I focus on growth. Because in every aspect - we have gotten better (me and my kids). I have to revel in that and fight the good fight. Or I will become the failure I work hard to avoid. I want to be a better person, teacher, wife, mother. It's a struggle everyday, but it's my goal. To be better.
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