Dichotomy
Is there a word for more than two sides of something? I am not really sure there is... to be honest, but that's what I write about today. The many sides of me when I come back from a conference.
I am reengerized, I am validated, I am educated, I am challenged, and I am ashamed.
I am re-engergized because at these conferences, authors and educators more wise than I speak about their lives and their experiences and how a teacher influenced them, or their children, or whoever. I am reminded that I can make a difference.
I am validated because at least once at a conference, I see someone else presenting something or saying something that I also do in my classroom or say to my students or model for my teachers.
I am educated because I always learn one thing from every session or keynote speaker or lunch or whatever I attend. A great session is where lots of things are new.
I am challenged because I am also very sheltered. I have only worked in two school districts in my life, both in suburbia. And while some of my students have difficult lives, I have not really. So the poets and authors who have experienced the same things as my students and are willing to speak out loud about their trials challenge my world views, especially about my difficult kids.
I am ashamed because I have not done more. I have not worked hard enough. There is always one student who I am sure is just a kid I can't reach, then I go to a conference, and I am proven wrong. I am ashamed that I missed that point of view.
This year, we can add I am a embarrassed to the list. Last summer and fall I participated in a project called PD2Teach with TCTELA. I figured it would be a learning opportunity for me, but other than the board of TCTELA, no one would actually watch those videos and listen to what I had to say about the upcoming TEKS. Boy was I wrong. More than a handful of people recognized me and said, "don't I know you?" Only to realize they thought they knew me because they had seen the video so many times. This is where I crawl in a hole. I am excited I have helped them but wholly embarrassed that I am that recognizable.
It's quite a conundrum... this swirl of emotions. I hope it never changes.
I am reengerized, I am validated, I am educated, I am challenged, and I am ashamed.
I am re-engergized because at these conferences, authors and educators more wise than I speak about their lives and their experiences and how a teacher influenced them, or their children, or whoever. I am reminded that I can make a difference.
I am validated because at least once at a conference, I see someone else presenting something or saying something that I also do in my classroom or say to my students or model for my teachers.
I am educated because I always learn one thing from every session or keynote speaker or lunch or whatever I attend. A great session is where lots of things are new.
I am challenged because I am also very sheltered. I have only worked in two school districts in my life, both in suburbia. And while some of my students have difficult lives, I have not really. So the poets and authors who have experienced the same things as my students and are willing to speak out loud about their trials challenge my world views, especially about my difficult kids.
I am ashamed because I have not done more. I have not worked hard enough. There is always one student who I am sure is just a kid I can't reach, then I go to a conference, and I am proven wrong. I am ashamed that I missed that point of view.
This year, we can add I am a embarrassed to the list. Last summer and fall I participated in a project called PD2Teach with TCTELA. I figured it would be a learning opportunity for me, but other than the board of TCTELA, no one would actually watch those videos and listen to what I had to say about the upcoming TEKS. Boy was I wrong. More than a handful of people recognized me and said, "don't I know you?" Only to realize they thought they knew me because they had seen the video so many times. This is where I crawl in a hole. I am excited I have helped them but wholly embarrassed that I am that recognizable.
It's quite a conundrum... this swirl of emotions. I hope it never changes.
Comments