Turning 40

I'm 40.

Most people dread turning 40 because it's over the hill or they've lived the best years of their life already or whatever.  But I'm okay with it.  In fact, I'm pretty excited about the possibilities.  

I've always thought I was an "old soul" - I put that in quotation marks because it' something my mother and grandmother always used to say.  What I mean when I say it is that I never really felt young and silly.  When I turned thirty, I finally felt like I had aged into my name and personality.  I like tradition; I follow the rules (for the most part); I never wore teeny tiny clothing like most teenagers; I was never really boy crazy; and I 'm much too serious for my own good.  Plus, I overthink everything.  For me, these were all old people behaviors (no offense to the old people reading this), so on my thirtieth birthday I felt at home with my age.  

Thirty-five was terrifying (no idea why).  That's it there.

But now that I've turned 40, I realize I have the opportunity to do and say exactly as I want.   I mean, I guess, technically, I've always had that opportunity, but I couldn't really take advantage of it.  Now, I feel free, like never before.  I have had enough experience at life (job, relationship, raising children, etc) that I feel like I can be an expert... but I don't have to be.  I feel released from the need to have everyone happy with me always.  

You don't like my cooking?  Fine.  Don't eat.  You don't like my clothes?  Fine, don't look at me.  You don't like my advice?  Fine, don't ask me again.  You don't like the feedback I'm giving you?  Fine, be better.  

It's like I want to stand up in every room I wander into and hold up both middle fingers while shaking my butt vigorously.  I mean, I'm not gonna really do that because I still aspire to be a good person.  

But my birthday feels like a release to be exactly who I am.  And it's wonderful.  Happy birthday to me!!!