Progress
After struggling with finding inspiration for this blog post all week and a conversation on my most recent Piper Day (that's totally a thing), I have realized that most of my blogs center on improving myself (in one way or another). That's perfectly okay with me because I always want to be better - growth is my thing. But I realized this: I don't look at how far I have come often enough. And I should.
That's what today's blog is about: my progress (both outside and inside). There's been a lot of progress in both areas. First the outside because it's the easiest to document with pictures.
The first picture is the Spring of 2010 - I chose this picture because I remember how proud I was of how I looked. I had done my hair and put on a little makeup and felt really good. Not to say I didn't - I did look really good, considering I had fought weight problems my whole life, had given birth only 9 months before (see my John?), and I had yet to correct my eating habits OR my movement habits. Note: I had also just spent about four months getting that little one healthy. Also note: I have NO body shots from that time in my life. None.
The second picture is from last December (Dec. 10th) with my brand new car. I took the picture to show off my car, but most of the comments on Facebook centered around how great I looked. That was a shocker because when I first looked at this picture, I couldn't see the difference between it and the one above. I still see the other me. And while I still see imperfections, and I REALLY want to get to a size 8, I have to acknowledge the difference in these two women. It's astounding, really.
Here's my list of visible progress markers:
Piper because she showed me it could be done. She showed me what hard work and determination could do. She challenges me to random things because she knows I need a push. She refuses to let me give up. (I'm honestly not sure if she knows she does these things)
The first picture is the Spring of 2010 - I chose this picture because I remember how proud I was of how I looked. I had done my hair and put on a little makeup and felt really good. Not to say I didn't - I did look really good, considering I had fought weight problems my whole life, had given birth only 9 months before (see my John?), and I had yet to correct my eating habits OR my movement habits. Note: I had also just spent about four months getting that little one healthy. Also note: I have NO body shots from that time in my life. None.
The second picture is from last December (Dec. 10th) with my brand new car. I took the picture to show off my car, but most of the comments on Facebook centered around how great I looked. That was a shocker because when I first looked at this picture, I couldn't see the difference between it and the one above. I still see the other me. And while I still see imperfections, and I REALLY want to get to a size 8, I have to acknowledge the difference in these two women. It's astounding, really.
Here's my list of visible progress markers:
- I wear a size 12 now - before a 22 (if I was lucky).
- I wear a large shirt - before a XXL
- I feel comfortable wearing sleeveless shirts outside of my house.
- When I look down, I can see past my belly (if this has never been an issue for you, trust me. This is a big deal).
- I can buy bras in Victoria's Secret
- I can buy pants at Buckle and clothes in the petite section of Macy's, Kohl's, and every other department store.
- I am no longer the "fat friend" in pictures. I have photo evidence of this as well. I look comparably sized to those in photos around me.
- I have to tighten my airline seat belt.
Here's a list of my invisible progress markers:
- I work out at least three times a week
- I have given up cokes (for the most part)
- I don't really eat cake anymore (I LOVED cake, specifically cupcakes).
- I have recently discovered that I don't really like candy
- I can ride a bike for 25 minutes without getting winded.
- I have run to 5Ks (not anymore though because running is DUMB)
- I don't mind having my picture taken (I used to run from cameras)
- I don't feel weird walking around my classroom, wondering if my fat is going to touch a student (yes - this is something I worry about).
- I have found a protein powder I actually enjoy.
- I haven't had Jack in the Box in several months
- I don't crave the approval of others.
- I don't sit by my phone waiting for "friends" to call
- I don't wallow in self-pity when someone is a shit to me.
- I don't replay every word I said earlier, wondering who I pissed off.
- I say what I think, regardless if it's the popular opinion.
- I have a backbone and stand up for myself.
- I remove those who make me feel bad about myself.
I am sure there are more, but for now, this is my complete list. I do want to talk a little bit about the first invisible progress marker, though. When I say I work out at least three times a week, it's HUGE!!! At least two of those days, I workout with a trainer. The other days a week, I ride my bike or walk my dog or do yoga videos or use my TotalGym or... you get the point. And most weeks, I get in at least 6 days of working out. Until this Wednesday, I had worked out for 24 days straight. Even when I was in Louisiana on vacation in a hotel. Merely 3 years ago, I could fall down walking on a flat surface. I once torn bone away from my ankle walking in my classroom. The big joke among a circle of friends is that I needed a bubble. I am not like that anymore because I spend more time working on my body and can control it better. This might be the proudest thing...
Wait. I lied. It's tied for the Jack in the Box thing. I used to go every single day to get meals from there for me and several friends. My "lunch" consisted of grilled chicken strips, bacon cheddar potato wedges, and... well, crap. I can't remember. Never mind. It came to me: 2 tacos. That's a day's worth of calories (or more) in a 25 minute meal. The thought of this makes me want to puke a little (the other part of me wants to get in the car and go to Jack in the Box).
I'm proud of me. I still have a long way to go, but I'm proud of me. I do need to thank two people though: Piper and my husband.
Piper because she showed me it could be done. She showed me what hard work and determination could do. She challenges me to random things because she knows I need a push. She refuses to let me give up. (I'm honestly not sure if she knows she does these things)
My husband, Jeremy, because he put up with my crazy (and still does) for going on 20 years now. He supported me through several WW programs, QWL, Physician's WL, several gym memberships, boot camps, Whole 30, Clean Eating, a surgery, and so much more. He was patient when I felt so ugly I didn't want to be seen naked. He allows me to pay a TON of money for my trainer. But most of all, because he loved me. When I was heavy. When I was crazy.
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